What If Zodiacs Had School Report Cards?

The zodiac classroom is a chaotic mess of overachievers, troublemakers, and kids who swear they “totally studied” but can’t remember a thing during exams. Here’s how their report cards would look.

Aries – The Overconfident Rebel

Grades:

B’s and C’s, but insists they “don’t care about grades anyway.”

Teacher’s Note:

“Spends more time challenging rules than following them. Claims they work best under pressure but turns in assignments two minutes before the deadline.”

Taurus – The Snacker

Grades:

Solid B’s, but only in subjects they like.

Teacher’s Note:

“Highly dependable but refuses to participate in PE. Caught eating during class multiple times. Brings gourmet-level lunches and won’t share.”

Gemini – The Class Chatterbox

Grades:

All over the place, but somehow still passing.

Teacher’s Note:

“Can answer any question but won’t stop talking long enough to write the answer down. Swears they were ‘just about to get started’ on the project that’s already overdue.”

Cancer – The Emotional Overachiever

Grades:

A’s, but only because they don’t want to disappoint anyone.

Teacher’s Note:

“Cries when they get a B+. Writes dramatic essays about personal experiences. Gets deeply offended if someone erases their whiteboard doodles.”

Leo – The Attention Seeker

Grades:

A’s in Drama, B’s in Science.

Teacher’s Note:

“Refuses to sit in the back row. Raises hand before knowing the answer. Brings an unnecessary amount of flair to every group project.”

Virgo – The Teacher’s Favorite

Grades:

A++

Teacher’s Note:

“Submits assignments two weeks early. Color-codes notes. Rewrites the entire group project because ‘no one else will do it right.’”

Libra – The Diplomatic Procrastinator

Grades:

Mostly B’s.

Teacher’s Note:

“Somehow convinces teachers to extend deadlines. Spends more time picking a notebook design than actually writing in it. Good at presentations, but only because of aesthetics.”

Scorpio – The Mysterious Genius

Grades:

Straight A’s, but no one knows how.

Teacher’s Note:

“Says nothing in class but somehow has the best test scores. Might be plotting something. Makes direct eye contact before turning in a perfect essay.”

Sagittarius – The ‘Forgetful’ Adventurer

Grades:

C’s, but insists grades “aren’t a real measure of intelligence.”

Teacher’s Note:

“Travels during school breaks and comes back with questionable stories. Forgets assignments but remembers every fun fact about ancient civilizations.”

Capricorn – The Future CEO

Grades:

A’s, with extra credit.

Teacher’s Note:

“Asks about college applications in middle school. Has a 10-year plan. Corrects the teacher when they get something wrong.”

Aquarius – The Unpredictable Genius

Grades:

Either a solid A or an F—no in-between.

Teacher’s Note:

“Writes essays about things the teacher didn’t even ask for. Zones out but suddenly gives a deep philosophical answer that changes the entire discussion.”

Pisces – The Daydreamer

Grades:

A’s in Art and English, but everything else is questionable.

Teacher’s Note:

“Doodles in every notebook. Writes poetry instead of history notes. Spends half of class staring out the window, probably making up a tragic backstory.”