The Use of Silverware in Astrology: Forks, Spoons, and Cosmic Destiny

Astrology has linked people to the stars, the planets, and even questionable life choices. But what if silverware had a role in all of this? Could a fork determine fate? Could a spoon hold the secrets of the universe? Probably not, but that won’t stop an astrologer from trying.

Spoons – The Emotional Support System

Spoons represent nurturing energy, much like the Moon. Cancer signs, the ultimate caretakers, are basically human spoons. These people will make sure no one eats soup alone and will offer unsolicited life advice in the process. If a spoon could talk, it would say, “Do you need a hug?”

Forks – The Chaos Merchants

Forks carry big Aries and Scorpio energy—sharp, impulsive, and always ready for action. Aries wields a fork like a sword in battle, stabbing into life with zero hesitation. Scorpio? It’s probably using the fork to test loyalty. If a fork could talk, it would say, “Are you

sure

about that?”

Knives – The No-Nonsense Types

Knives embody Capricorn and Virgo—precise, practical, and not here for nonsense. Capricorns use knives like tools of efficiency, cutting through problems (and possibly passive-aggressive tension). Virgos use them with surgical precision, making sure every slice is

perfect

. If a knife could talk, it would say, “Fix it. Now.”

Chopsticks – The Effortlessly Cool Ones

Chopsticks radiate Gemini and Aquarius energy—intellectual, adaptable, and slightly intimidating to beginners. Gemini uses them flawlessly but will also drop food mid-conversation. Aquarius insists chopsticks are

superior

to all other utensils and will debate anyone who disagrees. If chopsticks could talk, they would say, “Elevate your thinking.”

Sporks – The Existential Crisis

Sporks belong to Pisces and Sagittarius—conflicted, unconventional, and often misunderstood. Pisces relates to a spork’s identity crisis, while Sagittarius embraces its weirdness. A spork doesn’t care about tradition, and neither do these signs. If a spork could talk, it would say, “Why choose just one?”

Silver Platters – The Regal Ones

Leo energy, obviously. Silver platters don’t

serve

, they

present

. Only the finest dishes are worthy of this grand display. If a silver platter could talk, it would say, “Bow before greatness.”
Silverware may not determine destiny, but considering some astrologers swear by

moon water

, this theory is about as valid as anything else.