Mercury Retrograde + Monsoon Delays = A Zodiacal Nightmare

When Mercury decides to moonwalk through Leo and the monsoon skies turn every street into a water park no one asked for, it’s a cosmic recipe for wet socks, lost phones, and regrettable texts. Welcome to the astrological equivalent of a soggy group project with no leader and too many opinions.

Aries

Plans a weekend getaway to escape the drama. Ends up stranded in a flooded Uber with someone they just broke up with. Blames traffic. And fate.

Taurus

Still waiting for that food delivery. Forty-five minutes late. App says “arriving soon.” It’s been 3 hours. Might snap. But politely.

Gemini

Forgets three umbrellas, sends eight accidental messages, and ends up stuck in two group chats arguing about the best rain songs. Still makes it look like a personality trait.

Cancer

Monsoon + retrograde = emotional flood warning. Rewatches old messages. Wonders if the thunder is crying too.

Leo

Gets caught in the rain mid-selfie. Still manages a hair flip and a dramatic reel. Mercury might be retrograde, but Leo is still the main event.

Virgo

Made backup plans. Then backup plans for those. Still loses Wi-Fi. Melts down in alphabetical order.

Libra

Can’t choose an umbrella. Ends up drenched. But make it fashion. Somehow manages to flirt during a thunderstorm.

Scorpio

Trust issues? Amplified. Suspects the storm is symbolic. Plots emotional revenge on a cloud.

Sagittarius

Booked a spontaneous trip. Flight delayed. Bag lost. Meets a mysterious stranger at the gate. Is this the plot of a low-budget indie film? Possibly.

Capricorn

Tries to control the chaos. Fails. Schedules a meeting with the weather. And Mercury. Leaves a stern email in drafts.

Aquarius

Decides society is broken. Builds a boat out of recycled bottles. Sails away to a conspiracy podcast retreat.

Pisces

Writes poetry about the puddles. Cries. Smiles. Hugs a dog. Everyone assumes they’re fine. They are not.