If Planets Had home-stays, Who Would Have the Worst Reviews?

The universe is vast, mysterious, and, in some cases, completely unlivable. If planets listed their properties on Airbnb, some would be five-star luxury resorts, while others would be the cosmic equivalent of a roadside motel with flickering lights and a questionable smell. The worst of the worst?

Mercury.

1. Temperature Swings That Make No Sense

Guest Review:

“It’s either freezing or hotter than a pizza oven. No in-between. Woke up feeling like an icicle, took a nap, and nearly caught fire.”
Mercury has no atmosphere to hold in heat, which means daytime temperatures soar to

430°C (800°F)

, while nights drop to

-180°C (-290°F)

. It’s the kind of place where packing both a winter coat and a fire extinguisher is necessary.

2. No Wi-Fi, No View, No Fun

Guest Review:

“Absolutely nothing to do. No internet, no scenery, just endless gray rocks. Would have been better off staying home.”
Mercury has zero weather, no moons, and no dramatic landscapes—just an endless, lifeless wasteland of craters. It’s like checking into a hotel that advertises “rustic charm” but actually just means “we never finished construction.”

3. A Day Lasts Forever

Guest Review:

“Checked in expecting a weekend getaway, ended up stuck in the same day for what felt like a year. Never again.”
One full day on Mercury takes

176 Earth days

. Imagine waking up for breakfast and realizing lunch won’t happen for another three months. The sunrises alone take so long that by the time the sun actually moves, guests would’ve given up and gone home.

4. The Gravity Situation is Weird

Guest Review:

“Jumped too hard and almost left the planet. Gravity is weak, but somehow, my luggage still felt heavy.”
With gravity at

38% of Earth’s

, everything feels lighter. Sounds great, until a gust of solar wind sends guests floating into the abyss.

5. Location, Location… Actually, No Thanks

Guest Review:

“Too close to the Sun. Blinding light at all hours. No escape. Sunglasses melted instantly.”
Sitting closest to the Sun means Mercury is constantly bombarded with radiation. Any outdoor activity would end in a sunburn so severe that SPF 10,000 wouldn’t be enough.

Final Rating: 1/5 – Do Not Recommend

Unless the goal is to experience what an unhinged survival game feels like, Mercury’s Airbnb is best avoided. Some places just aren’t meant for vacation.