If Indian Dadi Nuskas Were Applied to Vastu, What Would They Say

If Indian grandmas took over Vastu, every house would be practically invincible, like a desi version of Hogwarts, but with fewer broomsticks and more pickles. Instead of hiring a Vastu consultant, just call Dadi and watch her solve cosmic alignment issues with everyday kitchen ingredients.

The Mismatched Furniture Syndrome

If the furniture’s not aligned, Dadi would say it’s because the sofa doesn’t respect the dining table. Solution? Sprinkle turmeric under each leg while chanting something vaguely Bollywood, preferably from

Hum Saath Saath Hain

. The turmeric purifies, and the drama ensures harmony.

Kitchen Chaos and Family Fights

If the family’s arguing like it’s an episode of

Bigg Boss

, Dadi would say it’s because the gas stove and water sink are too close. Fire and water shouldn’t mingle, just like that nosy neighbor and common sense. Put a silver coin between them to create a peaceful truce. Bonus points if the coin has King George on it—authenticity matters.

Bedroom Blues and No Romance

If the bedroom’s colder than a breakup text, it’s because the bed is in the wrong direction. Dadi would slap some ghee on the bedposts and insist on putting a mirror in a spot where it doesn’t reflect anyone in bed. According to her, mirrors at night attract ghosts and bad decisions. Nobody’s ready for either.

Main Door Drama

If the main door creaks or refuses to open smoothly, Dadi would mutter something about evil spirits and sprinkle rock salt at the entrance. Apparently, the salt scares away everything from negative energy to overly curious aunties. For extra safety, stick a nimbu-mirchi combo right above the door like it’s a VIP pass to heaven.

Bathroom Woes and Unemployment

If someone’s still jobless after ten motivational seminars, Dadi would blame the bathroom. Water represents wealth, and leaking taps are basically cash flowing out like alimony payments. Tighten the taps, smear some sandalwood paste on the door, and pray to the nearest Tulsi plant. Problem solved, or at least postponed.

Living Room Energy Crisis

If the living room feels as dull as a Monday morning, Dadi would suggest burning camphor in all corners. Not only does it smell like divine intervention, but it also confuses negative energy into thinking it’s in a temple.

The Ultimate Dadi Vastu Mantra

When all else fails, just loudly chant, “Om Bhindi Fry Namah” while sweeping the floor with neem leaves. If nothing else, it’ll confuse the bad vibes into leaving out of pure awkwardness.