Which Tarot Card Would Win an Oscar?

If the Tarot deck had its own Academy Awards, the competition would be fierce. Dramatic monologues, scandalous betrayals, and existential crises—these cards have seen it all. But which one would walk away with the golden statue and deliver a speech that runs way too long?

Best Actor: The Magician

The Magician is the Daniel Day-Lewis of Tarot. He’s got range, charisma, and the ability to make anything appear out of thin air—literally. Whether it’s pulling dreams into reality or faking emotions on cue, he nails every role. The Academy loves a transformative performance, and The Magician delivers every time.

Best Actress: The High Priestess

Meryl Streep wishes she had this level of mystery. The High Priestess commands the screen without saying a word. Subtext? Layers? A performance so powerful it leaves audiences questioning reality? Check, check, and check. If a film ever needs an enigmatic, all-knowing presence, she’s the one to call.

Best Supporting Actor: The Fool

The Fool is the comic relief that somehow steals the show. Think Robin Williams in

Good Will Hunting

—goofy on the outside, but surprisingly deep when the moment calls for it. He plays the charming, lovable underdog who reminds everyone to take risks and enjoy the journey. The standing ovation is inevitable.

Best Supporting Actress: The Empress

If there’s a maternal powerhouse in the script, The Empress is on it. Think Viola Davis in

Fences

—fierce, loving, and not afraid to call out nonsense. She’s the heart of the story, the one who nurtures, protects, and delivers monologues that leave people in tears.

Best Director: The Emperor

Power, control, a grand vision—The Emperor is the Steven Spielberg of the deck. He runs the show, makes the rules, and ensures everything is in perfect order. He’s the type who wins Best Director and uses the speech to talk about discipline and structure, making everyone wish they’d skipped straight to the musical performances.

Best Picture: The Tower

No film captures total destruction, chaos, and emotional devastation better than The Tower. This is the

Everything Everywhere All at Once

of Tarot—mind-blowing, unpredictable, and somehow still life-changing.
At the end of the night, all the cards gather for an afterparty full of plot twists and questionable life choices. Who wins? Who gets snubbed? The Wheel of Fortune decides.